I need words as wide as sky

I've been thinking about the way that church is done and wondering if there is a better way to structure certain things. See, the way it works now, church generally has several sub-meetings along with the usual weekly meeting, and these sub-meetings have certian purposes and target certain people. There's children's Sunday school, youth group, outreach events, prayer meetings, etc. On top of that, any given Sunday service needs lots of people to make it happen besides the pastor: worship team, ministry team, coffee dudes, greeters, ushers, nursery workers, etc. So basically, the church relies on time from its members in order to function properly.

So what's the problem with this? Well, it can cause stress on both sides of the equation. On one hand, the church staff and group leaders can get VERY stressed when people don't volunteer to help with all these services. I've been there. I know what it's like to scrounge for volunteers. I've watched our kids ministry leader use some pretty drastic (albeit funny) measures to get people to volunteer as summer Sunday School teachers. I've been frustrated with my own lack of volunteers with youth group. And the answer seems to always be the same: We're too busy.

But the thing is, they ARE too busy! I know what that's like too! I just had to pull out of doing a few church things due to busyness. Life is busy: work commitments take up a LOT of time, as well as things like school and family, so the average person rarely has time to juggle all of the above, let alone take on another church commitment. But we church leaders are desperate, so be beg, plead, guilt, and bribe people into helping... until one of two things happens: either no one helps and our plans don't work, or someone- most likely one of the people who is already doing too much in the church- folds and volunteers. I've noticed that in most churches the bulk of the work not done by paid individuals is taken on by a few people or families. It almost seems that our churches survive off of people without boundaries. And all the others- are they just selfish? Maybe. Or maybe they really are too busy and just can't say yes.

So what is the solution to this dilemma? One answer would be to use the house church model, but that has its own difficulties in that a house church may not be able to meet some individual needs as well as a larger church. It's hard to have Sunday school or youth group when there's only 5 people under 19 in a house church, but those kids and teens do need a chance to connect with people their age and learn truths at their level.

So what can be done? Or can anything? Any ideas?

posted by Mary @ 4:35 PM

The snow was coming down hard that night, as I sat in front of the TV, listless. My brain and heart ached with a tumult of emotion: frustration with myself and the sins that I cannot seem to defeat, inadequacy in my role as a leader, and fear that my weakness and depravity will be exposed: Sheesh Mary, you're a youth leader! You're supposed to have those things dealt with!!

It was not only fear of man that gripped me, but also a fearfulness of God. Lately some doubts that I had kept hidden for most of my life had reared their head... and I feared this wild, unsafe God. I feared His anger towards my sin. I feared that He wanted to make me uncomfortable. I feared that if I really listened to Him, He might ask me to do something I didn't want to do, like go to Africa or sell everything. He is a fearsome God, I had decided, one who cannot be trusted. And so I kept my distance. As much as I longed for intimacy with God, I also feared it. I had been avoiding spending time just listening for His voice, for fear of what I might hear.

Sitting there staring at the TV these thoughts overwhelmed me. What am I doing? I remembered how recently I had said to a friend in an email that following God seems scary but it always makes sense in the end. What a hypocrite I am! I cannot take this any longer. Reluctantly I dragged myself out of the chair and into my room. I lay on my bed and just started telling God my thoughts, how afraid I am of Him, pouring out my real heart for the first time in quite awhile. After saying all this I found myself looking at words penned my a man in touch with God about Him... and abut how He pursues me... He wants to get to know me, to just know my heart, ALL of it, not just the nice Christian front that I put up, but every part- all my pain, all my fear and doubt. All of it.

After this I looked outside and saw that the snow was heavy, so I decided to go for a walk to Tim Hortons. Walking alone outside, I relished the crunch under my boots, the feathery pinpricks on my face, and the immense quiet that engulfs creation in the snow. I was happy out here, free, adventurous. Tim Hortons was closed, but that didn't matter. I came home and made snow angels in the backyard, and then had a snowball fight with Lisa and Yuko. After they went inside, the quiet engulfed me again. I turned my face to the night sky swirling with crystal flakes, dancing from the clouds and alighting on the ground, the trees, my eyelashes. And it seemed that as He does, God spoke to me once again though the quiet.

What are you going to believe about Me?

Standing there in the middle of the transcendant beauty, the glorious whiteness and tranquil silence, I knew one thing: He is Good.

Yes, He is unpredictable and even unsafe... but one thing can be predicted about Him: His heart of love for me. That will never change. He is Good, and He is Love.

posted by Mary @ 11:50 PM

Interesting Theological Stuff

Ok, so I just had my weekly meeting with Scott, and I mentioned to him the idea brought up at youth group by some kids that we are here to entertain God, and the question of why God creates people who he knows are going to go to hell. Here are his thoughts... very interesting:

-God is relational... like we as humans are relational. I don't want to get married someday because I was ahusband to "entertain" me... I want someone to love who will love me back. And I don't want to have kids someday for entertainment... I want to have kids to love them. I don't want to do youth ministry so that my youth group can entertain me (tho in many cases they do!), I do it because I care about my yotuh group and want them to grow and stuff. Now if we're created in God's image, then wouldn't God also be like that, even more so?

-If someone loved me because they had to, that wouldn't be as special as if they chose to. If I were married and I could flick a switch and make my husband love me, that wouldn't be as satisfying as knowing that he was choosing to love me because he wanted to. Once again, same with God...

-Regarding hell (this is REALLY interesting): When on earth, people have a choice... they can either accept God and what He has done for us and say they want Him in their lives, or they can say "forget it, God, I don't want You". When you die, your wish is granted. If you said yes to God, then you get to be with Him. If you said no, then you get to go to the one place where God isn't. The worst thing about hell isn't the fire (if it even really is fire... that may be a metaphor), it's the lack of God's presence and goodness. Here on earth, everyone enjoys God's goodness, but in hell, it isn't there. BUT (this is where it gets really really interesting), hell is actually the more merciful choice of the 2 for someone who hasn't said yes to God! See, that person hasn't been cleansed of their sin, they are still ugly with their sin spiritually. Now God dwells in unapproachable light, and so for someone who has not been covered by God's blood to be in His presence would be agonizing for them! He is so holy, that for a sinner to be in His presence would be horrible, as all their ugliness and wrongness would be exposed to Him and to everyone else. Think of the thing you are most ashamed of, and imagine that thing being exposed to everyone for all eternity... it would be horrible! Being close to Someone that pure would only remind them over and over again how ugly and dirty they were. THAT is why we need Jesus' blood to cover our sins in order to be in heaven... because then, with His covering, we are made righteous.

Man, that's sooo interesting... I think I'm gonna need to go chew on it for awhile... :)

posted by Mary @ 11:21 AM

What is Christianity anyways?
You know, I think the biggest thing I'm learning in this intensive is that the way we look at Christianity- and what being a Christian is, not to mention how we teach it to our young people, is a little off. We often think that the point of Christianity is us. We need to change, we need to become more like God, we need to work on our relationship with Him. If I asked a typical Christian teen how to be a good Christian, their response might be something like this:

HOW TO BE A GOOD CHRISTIAN 101:
Read your Bible.
Pray.
Go to church.
And youth group.
Tithe.
Don't do drugs, drink, or smoke.
Don't have sex before you're married.
Don't swear or watch bad movies or listen to bad music.
If you're REALLY spiritual, fast.

Now I'm not saying that those things aren't important. Spending time with God, going to church, and keeping away from stuff that's going to hurt you... those are all good things. Taking care of your own spiritual life is important.

But if that's all that Christianity entails, I'm not interested, and you probably aren't either.

Sure, as Christians, we are called to change our own lives. But we're also called to change the world. If I do all the things on that list above, it may affect me positively, but will it affect the other 6 billion people on the planet. Not really.

I think we need to get out of this idea that Christianity is just about our own personal walk with God, and start asking bigger questions. What can I do to make the world a better place? How can I help the lonely guy next door or the beggar on the street or the millions of people in Africa dying of AIDS? How can I stop being a nice safe Christian and start being a difference maker in the Kingdom of God?

If we thought this way, and taught this way, maybe Christianity could stop being looked at as a nice little religion and start being known as the earth shaking, life changing force that it was intended to be. Maybe we could start to see a little bit of heaven on earth.

posted by Mary @ 1:38 PM

Today at church, Galen spoke, and he talked about purity. Of course, being Galen and having the specific passions that he has, he mentioned movies and entertainment, as well as some other things like relationships and stuff. It's interesting, Galen has a way of getting a point, even a harsh point, across in a way that is gentle and non-offensive, but powerful and convicting nonetheless. That guy's got skills. Sometimes when people talk about purity it frustrates me, as it seems like they're really coming down on me and condenming me for not doing everything the way they do, but when Galen talks about purity it makes me WANT to get rid of junk in my life. But there are some fears that come along with this desire
I guess my biggest fear is that if I decide to set higher standard than I have now, especially in the areas of entertainment and in what I will or will not joke around about, I'll become either legalistic (making this silly system of do's and dont's that's totally unneccesary and condemning things that are actually fine) or prideful and condemning (coming down on others for not holding to the same standards I have). I used to be very legalistic, and really get down on myself for things like being afraid to read my Bible at work, and I had way more trouble then beliving that God likes me and that He wants me to come to Him just the way I am, free of shame and fear. I would strive so hard to make God like me, and even if I was doing everything that I felt I should do, I still could point out other people that I was sure God liked better than me! Now I'm past most of that, and I don't want to go back to that. I also don't want to start thinking I'm better than others if I'm choosing to keep away from certain things. I don't even want to come across as prideful or harsh to others. I know too many people who have been pushed away from God by Christians who are harsh and say things that hurt them, and I don't want to be anyone's excuse for not following Christ.
I do feel like I've let myself slide in lots of areas; I know that I'm way too easily entertained by things that I honeslty shouldn't enjoy, both in movies and in other areas of life. Also, there are some people who haven't compromised in areas that I have who seem pure in a way that's just beautiful and refreshing. I want that. And, as Galen said, the pure in heart are the ones who see God, and you'd BETTER believe that I want that! I want to be pure, I just don't want to become arrogant or legalistic in the process.
I want purity.
But I also want humility.
Lord help me to have both of these.

posted by Mary @ 4:48 PM

How far are you, how close am I
I know your words are true and I don't feel them inside
Still I believe you'll never leave
So where are you now

You're all I have, You're all I know
Your breath is breathing in my soul
Still I am gasping, aching, asking
Where are you now

Cause I just wanna be with You
I just want this waiting to be over
I just want to be with You
And it helps to know the Day is getting closer

Every minute takes an hour
Every inch feels like a mile
Til I won't have to imagine
And I finally get to see You smile

My journey's here, but my heart is There
So I dream and wait, and keep the faith, while You prepare
Our destiny, til You come back for me
Oh, please make it soon!

Cause I just wanna be with You
I just want this waiting to be over
I just want to be with You
And it helps to know the Day is getting closer

Every minute takes an hour
Every inch feels like a mile
Til I won't have to imagine
And I finally get to see You smile

-Chris Rice, "Smile"

posted by Mary @ 10:07 PM

Questions

So Jesus said that He came to give life to the full, right?

And He is the One Thing that will satisfy, right?

If that's true, then why do I get bored in church (and I'm the youth leader!)? Why do I find my mind wandering during worship songs? Why do my pastor's exhorations to spend time reading the Bible seem like a chore? Why does the thought of "daily devotions" make me cringe? Why, when I think about the possibility of my going to heaven right now, I think "No God, I don't want to die yet, let me at least get married first!!"? Why is it so hard to get my youth to even listen to me talk about God for 5 minutes? Why do I feel like I need to bribe them to read the Bible? Why, when they hear the word "church", do most people come up with negative connotations? Why do we talk about spending time with the One who loves us the most as a "spiritual discipline"? Why does the thought that "you should be more excited about God than anything else or you're an idolator" bring so much guilt to all of us- why aren't we more excited about God than anything else? If our main purpose in life is to know and enjoy God, why aren't we enjoying Him?

What's wrong with this picture?

I would think that if Jesus was the only thing that would satisfy, I'd wake up aching to read my Bible or spend time with Him. Worship would be heavenly, heaven itself would be something I would live for, and my youth would be clamouring to learn more about God.

But it's not like that.

It's all so confusing. A friend of mine once pointed out that even her relationship with her husband had hard times, that hard times in relationships happen, and when things aren't easy with God, that we should just grit our teeth and keep following.

I see her point, but a husband's love is not meant to totally satisfy. God's love is.

So what is the problem? I can think of 2 possibilities:

1. We are unable to grasp God's love because of our fallen nature and fallen world. We cannot really know God's love until we reach the other side.

or

2. We have somehow totally misunderstood God and His love for us and Heaven and the Bible and all that, so we don't find it as attractive as it really is.

If #1 is true, I suppose we should just grit our teeth and follow God through life, hoping for better things on the other side. But what if #2 is true. If it is, what have we been missing? And how can we recover it? How can we truly find satisfaction in God?

posted by Mary @ 2:42 PM